A friendly friend
In this candid blog post, I will discuss some red flags of terrible friends, sharing personal anecdotes and practical tips to help you identify toxic relationships and reclaim your time and emotional well-being.
Usually when a relationship I have falls through the cracks, I spend some time self-reflecting. Did I handle this situation wrong? Could something have been said better? Where did the issue initially begin? Were there signs? Etc, etc. Everyone has falling-out with someone at some point in their lives and I have the every single interaction in a PDF on my tablet. Call it what you want but I call it marking and tracking data to make educated decisions in the future. I have compiled a list of my top ten red flags from all of my relationships with people, good and bad, and wrote down my exact experiences. Here I have listed behavior I have and will continue to reject in the diverse types of people I come across. You can use this as a reference in friendships, mating relationships, with coworkers, family—anyone you need to evaluate. Imagine all “friend/s” you see in this article with parenthesis as these types of “friends” are not your friends, okay? Okay. Let us begin.
Friends With No Growth
Being around individuals who show no ambition for personal growth or self-improvement can be especially detrimental to your own journey. Growth is not just about achieving personal success—it is also about evolving mentally, emotionally, and physically to deal with the challenges we face in society and the pressure to succeed despite harrowing obstacles. You cannot surround yourself with basic bitches who are not committed to bettering themselves, whether it is in their careers, education, or self-awareness. Maintaining this friendship will absolutely limit your own progress. You are who your friends are, and I always found myself trying to elevate or inspire others which has led me to carrying the entire weight of my circle. Doing this in the past has held me back from pursuing opportunities or cultivating the mindset I needed to overcome barriers that exist in this world, especially when I was pushing for excellence in a world that often does not make space for it.
As a woman, it is so important to have a network that supports and challenges you to step into your best self, not one that pulls you down by refusing to grow or develop. I have been trapped in a circle of people who do not see the importance of evolving prior to the me I am now—whether it is through financial literacy, education, or emotional maturity—and I can tell you from firsthand experience, it will put you in an environment of complacency hindering your potential. Become friends with managers, you will become one. Become friends with highly educated people, you will become one. Become friends with business owners and millionaires and TRUST, you will become one.
The Never Have Money Friend
As a body with titties, you are ALWAYS sitting on $100 at minimum. There should never be a constant reason why at our big age of 25+ we are consistently without coins. We have all been here with friends that are constantly asking you to spot them. We all know the type. It’s one thing to cover your friend’s food or help them with a bill, or even covering their half of a vacation every once in a while but damn bitch? Every single time!? Everyone goes through something and there should always be grace there but being friends with people who are inherently broke can create an unhealthy dynamic where you end up carrying the financial burden of the relationship—whether it’s always covering costs for activities or feeling pressured to lend money, this one-sidedness can build resentment over time. It is one of the explanations for why girlies go on vacation friends and come back enemies. It became difficult for me to maintain a sense of self and equality and mutual support in a friendship when that friend is continually struggling financially without taking responsibility or making an effort to improve their situation. Eventually, I started feeling like I was enabling their bad financial habits and that the friendship was more about what I could provide rather than a genuine connection.
Furthermore, constantly being around BROKIES – that’s what Big Latto said not me – who are financially inept can start to limit your own growth and opportunities. Broke is a mindset that many people obtain. You may feel guilty for pursuing your financial goals, like saving, investing, or enjoying experiences that are beyond their reach. This has caused me frustration many a time, especially when I’m working hard to improve my own financial health, and they show little motivation to do the same. Relationships started to feel emotionally draining, as I always end up offering more than just financial support—my energy, time, and even my personal ambitions have been compromised in an effort to keep the friendship intact. Ultimately, friendships should be built on mutual respect, shared values, and balance, not on a one-sided expectation of constant financial aid.
Friends Who Never Show Up For You
As I’ve stated prior, friendships should be rooted in mutual respect, trust, and effort, but when I am always the one showing up for someone and they do not reciprocate, it has led me to feelings of frustration and emotional exhaustion. If I was always there for them—whether it is offering support during tough times, celebrating their victories, or just being available for them—and they have not made the same effort when I needed it, it created an unbalanced dynamic. Over time, this has led me to resentment, as it feels like I was giving more than I was receiving. Relationships thrive on reciprocity, and when I am always the only person offering up myself and my services and the other is always “taking,” it undermines the foundation of the friendship. We all go through periods of where we may not be able to give as much, but consistent neglect or indifference towards my needs were mentally and emotionally damaging. Choose who chooses you. Choose those who invest in the relationship as much as you do—those who genuinely celebrate your wins, provide support when needed, and are present in the same way you are for them.
Friends Who Cannot Communicate
This is absolutely something I cannot stand and I probably should have listed this first. Communication is learned upon first entering this plane of the living and all throughout life, so it is so crazy to see that grown ass people cannot tell you their thoughts and feelings. They’ll be sure to tell everyone else though amiright? When someone struggles to express their thoughts, feelings, or concerns, it showcases the bounds they lack that prevent them from having a true connection. Poor communication and comprehension skills are the epitome of all relationship fallouts as friends with this trait tend to avoid difficult conversations, ignore problems, and fail to express themselves, all of which has made me feel undervalued and dismissed.
People see direct communication as a form of aggression and in fearing that aggression, even though it is all in their heads, highlight their weak bitch traits. Family and friends who bring any issues with you directly to you, cherish their relationship with you and do not mind having disagreements. They come to you to attack the problem, not the person. Keep them around.
Friends Who Do Not Treat You With Decency And Respect
Ever had a friend hang up on you? Hearing something you told your one friend from someone else? A friend that missed an important event? I feel we are in a time where true, genuine friends are a scarce commodity. As I have again stated prior, friendships should be rooted in basic mutual respect and decency, and when someone consistently fails to treat you with basic qualities, you need to drop their ass expeditiously! Tolerating rude behavior, neglect, disrespect, dismissive attitudes, envy, and hidden jealousy are so inherent in friendships these days. Teach yourself the ways to spot it so you can avoid healing from things you could have avoided. Be done with toxic dynamics that leave you feeling insecure. Do away with altered state of minds who allow you to question your own worth as this will surely seep into other areas of your life
I can usually tell when couplets or throuples of people will not work after a few minutes. If someone can’t offer you basic bitch decencies, then let them go no matter how long y’all have been friends. I have always been the friend I wanted to have with people and I take solace in that. I have no qualms about being the realest bitch a lot of people will ever fucking meet and nothing will change that.
Friends Who Show Envious Or Jealous Traits
In no circumstance should you be friends with people who exhibit jealousy or envy in a friendship. If you clock even the slightest whiff of it, BELIEVE IT and drop they asses! Those “hidden” emotions build up over time, creating toxicity that undermines the trust and support that are foundational to healthy relationships. Jealousy and envy breed competition, insecurity, and resentment, rather than camaraderie and encouragement. Some traits are hard to spot but look out for those who constantly compare themselves to you. The ones who are dismissive of your success but gloat about theirs. Those who have plenty of backhanded compliments and boundless negativity.
I have been a victim to jealous friends and from my experience they have subtly tried to sabotage my plans, my relationships with others, and undermined my efforts through negative comments or by finding ways to dissuade others from me or me from pursuing my passions. They have tried to steer me from opportunities, new relationships, and experiences that they have felt threatened by. I learned it is not and never will be my job to babysit these peaked in middle school, mouth full of two front teeth, bad built, dirty neck, ankle biting, yuck mouth ass hoes. You should not either.
Friends That Never Pick A Side
When someone you consider a friend refuses to pick a side—especially within situations where it matters most—is incredibly frustrating. It can be against another person, a situation at work, family drama and everything in between. People who cannot take a stand are often cowardly bitches in my most disrespectful opinion. It signals a lack of loyalty, accountability, and an unwillingness to fully invest in the relationship. People who cannot pick a side often avoid conflict and confrontation at all costs which undermines the foundation of open and honest communication that every relationship needs. When you are facing challenges or making tough decisions, you need people around you who are willing to have those crucial conversations and take risk for you. This kind of neutrality might seem harmless at first, but over time, you will see it all leads to abandonment and betrayal without fail.
Many friendships are falling apart due to recent elections as we see all over the timelines. Friendship disagreements are meant for deciding which shirt to wear, which club to hit up, what hotel to stay in, not human rights. You need friends who will speak up for you. You need friends who can fill in your lines. Friends that defend you in your absence. You need friends who have your best interest at heart. Indecisiveness in tough situations create confusion and tension. I adore those who have stood by me in times in of need, supporting me in a disagreement, or simply making clear choices has made me feel very seen and important.
Friends With Too Many Friends
I am sure there is one movie or show we can all think of where the FL or ML loses their friend because that friend would rather be popular or they are too weak to stand up to a bully for their friend, so they take part in bullying the leads of the story. I found these types are always more focused on supporting a broad network of superficial connections to keep themselves afloat often spreading themselves thin, trying to meet the needs and expectations of a large circle. Time for everyone means no time for you. These types struggle to say “no” and do not know how to establish limits due to vying for much attention from many a people.
People see direct communication as a form of aggression and in fearing that aggression, even though it is all in their heads, highlight their weak bitch traits. Family and friends who bring any issues with you directly to you, cherish their relationship with you and have no problems bringing anything up. Keep them around.
Weak boundaries equate to a weak mindset and you should refrain from being friends with people who lack this bare trait. It will lead to emotional exhaustion, confusion, and resentment. They will infringe upon your time, energy, and emotional capacity with or without realizing it. Spend your time engaging in healthy, balanced relationships. A friend to everyone is a friend to none. Keep that in mind.
Friends That Believe Looks Do Not Matter
Looks matter. Dassit and that’s all! I do not know who keeps spitting this rhetoric that in this very shallow, very superficial world that looks do not matter! While inner beauty and qualities like kindness, intelligence, and empathy are undeniably important, the reality is that physical appearance does play a significant role in how people are perceived and how you are treated as an individual. You cannot be friends with someone who does not correct faults in your appearance. This is not in reference to distinct types of styles or weight or whether someone wears makeup or not, but it is the little things; People who do not tell you your zipper is open, you pad is showing, your frontal is lifting, you have crust around your lips, are not your friend and I believe they are praying on your downfall. You cannot convince me otherwise! We live on planet Earth where even animals are judged based on how “cute” they are even though they are pyscopaths. You nor your friends cannot disregard the reality of it and if you try, you are setting yourself up for failure.
Everyone is judged by their appearance, their sexuality, their racial background, their hairstyles, everything—not that you should give a fuck about other’s opinions, but it happens whether you take part in this or not. It is insane to deny this. If I am showing up to a function in a nice fit with all in my bearings in order and my friend shows up but she stank a little, I will tell her privately and provide her with options to correct it as I hope she would me. When you look good, you feel good, and this should be shared. This needs to be a mutually beneficial equation. Do not be naïve.
Male Centered Friends
This one here is a big one. DO NOT BE FRIENDS WITH PICKMEISHA. DO NOT BE FRIEND WITH BARBARA THE BUILDER. DO NOT BE FRIENDS WITH FORESKIN ACCESSORIES. Ladies who are overly focused on pleasing or prioritizing men, or who define their worth only through male approval, can and will perpetuate outdated and harmful gender norms. These bitches will put you in danger due to their nature that comes with lack of respect and support for themselves and other women. I’ve seen these types of women leave their drunk and drugged friends in the company of men. I’ve seen these types be in abusive relationships and rope you into being abused with them. I’ve seen these types cut your hair off, spread rumors, vote against their own interest, do anything to put themselves above you in the eyes of men but be a better person. These hoes will take the gas out of your car and bring it to a man if he needed it. Male-centered attitudes contribute to internalized misogyny which influences their, and your, sense of self-worth. Reinforcing societal pressures that have always negatively affected women and children.
Imagine choosing a man? Imagine choosing the gender that cannot get hired in morgues? The gender that other men, women, children, dead bodies, animals, and even inanimate objects fear over your fellow woman? I threw up in my mouth. Bitch ew. Their g-spots are in literally in their ass! BE FUCKING FOR-REAL! Do everything for the bitches okay? Never for the male or their gaze.
Life is too short to invest time in relationships that do not nurture you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Maintaining relationships with people who would not be here if their mother loved themselves more and expecting them to treat you well will keep you stuck in unhealthy patterns and questioning your self worth. Stop expecting you from everyone else as true friendships should lift you up and by making you feel safe and supported—not disrespected or neglected. Update your mental software by checking yourself to ensure you do not share these traits within your friendships either. There are billions of people in the world and if these motherfuckers cannot offer you basic qualities of an upstanding human being, let them and their half a scoop of hair asses go to make space for the others. The bar is literally in hell.